Outsider Poet and Wizard Rod McKuen Has Succeeded In Becoming a Lich A Year After His Death and Will Join the Rancho Cucamonga Team

Outsider Poet and Wizard Rod McKuen Has Succeeded In Becoming a Lich A Year After His Death and Will Join the Rancho Cucamonga Team

Composer of A Boy Named Charlie Brown and over 2,500 other songs, 27 books of poetry that sold millions of copies, and former rodeo clown, disk jockey, and propaganda writer Rod McKuen has succeeded in his lifelong quest to survive his own death and become a lich. But more important to him than even this is his insistence on joining the Rancho Cucamonga Kookamungas outsider poetry team. His psionic ability and mind-control techniques seem to assure the already league champion team an unfair advantage in the upcoming season. 

Already having signed the fourth incarnation of Dr. Who, Tom Baker, the Rancho Cucamonga squad seems unbeatable, but other teams have also been making acquisitions during the offseason, including the Rockford Pages signing Adam Wets and The Chemung Shamans poaching outsider poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg.

Eight new teams will join the Outsider Poetry Slam League of America in 2016. Teams from Yakima and Hell, Michigan, who has already announced the signing of Helen Reddy and Helen Mirren. 

Back to Rod McKuen's lich. Because his vocal cords have atrophied due to death, McKuen has been granted a special dispensation to perform his poems. A special permit was needed from the city of Rancho Cucamonga as it is distinctly possible that when McKuen reads he will call the dead to rise from their graves and attack the citizens of Rancho Cucamonga and the state of California. The City Council granted the license, citing the popularity of shows like The Walking Dead and saying it could be a great tourist boon for the city, which despises tourists.