Monday, August 29, 2016

The Most Awesome 8 Track Player An Outsider Poet Could Ever Have

The Aquatron VX-33 8 Track Tape Player

It is the electronic device that I have been waiting perhaps my entire life for. And I never even knew it. We didn't have an 8 Track player in our home, or car. I think my grandparents did. I remember it being a giant pain in the ass. Going into the middle of the next song in the middle of a song you were enjoying. But in 2016 it is the type of device every outsider poet should own, and use. I have only two 8 tracks in my collection so far: Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits and The Beach Boys Endless Summer. It works as pretty effective radio, too, on both the AM and FM bands. If you had a car from the 1970's it would plug right into your dashboard. So now I feel like I need an AMC Pacer or maybe a Vista Cruiser. Do a road trip down Route 66 blaring Grinderswitch on the old 8 Track. 

At Zombie Logic Press headquarters recovering from a mild stomach virus and trying to work in some fantasy football drafts this week while I still have the chance. Listening to the Cubs game but not on WGN radio, which sounds strange to say, because it has been that way all my life. Summer is almost over, and the kids are in school. 

Making lists of football players to study for my draft. Which is on Labor Day at Buffalo Wild Wings. Before then I hope to find a few more 8 Tracks to add to my collection, and perhaps a carrying case. 

Monday, August 1, 2016

Outsider Poet and Wizard Rod McKuen Has Succeeded In Becoming a Lich A Year After His Death and Will Join the Rancho Cucamonga Team

Outsider Poet and Wizard Rod McKuen Has Succeeded In Becoming a Lich A Year After His Death and Will Join the Rancho Cucamonga Team

Composer of A Boy Named Charlie Brown and over 2,500 other songs, 27 books of poetry that sold millions of copies, and former rodeo clown, disk jockey, and propaganda writer Rod McKuen has succeeded in his lifelong quest to survive his own death and become a lich. But more important to him than even this is his insistence on joining the Rancho Cucamonga Kookamungas outsider poetry team. His psionic ability and mind-control techniques seem to assure the already league champion team an unfair advantage in the upcoming season. 

Already having signed the fourth incarnation of Dr. Who, Tom Baker, the Rancho Cucamonga squad seems unbeatable, but other teams have also been making acquisitions during the offseason, including the Rockford Pages signing Adam Wets and The Chemung Shamans poaching outsider poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg.

Eight new teams will join the Outsider Poetry Slam League of America in 2016. Teams from Yakima and Hell, Michigan, who has already announced the signing of Helen Reddy and Helen Mirren. 

Back to Rod McKuen's lich. Because his vocal cords have atrophied due to death, McKuen has been granted a special dispensation to perform his poems. A special permit was needed from the city of Rancho Cucamonga as it is distinctly possible that when McKuen reads he will call the dead to rise from their graves and attack the citizens of Rancho Cucamonga and the state of California. The City Council granted the license, citing the popularity of shows like The Walking Dead and saying it could be a great tourist boon for the city, which despises tourists.