Thursday, June 30, 2016

Undefeated Rancho Cucamonga Becomes Western Division Outsider Poetry Slam League Champions

At a tournament riddled with great performances, drama, and hijinx, the Rancho Cucamonga Kookamungas became the Western Division champions in the first season of the Outsider Poetry Slam League of America. They will meet the Kokomo Oralists, who won the Eastern Division championship after adding a woman with large breasts to their roster, in the OPSLA Championship August 7th at the Outsider Poetry Depot in Rockford, Illinois. 

Donnie Most has joined the Rancho Cucamonga squad for the Championship. All reports are that he has still got it, and he'll be attempting to give it to the Kokomo Oralists. Wacka wacka.

It has been a great season for the undefeated Rancho Cucamonga outsider poets, but they will be opposed by a Kokomo unit that is also undefeated this year. In fact, neither team has experienced a significant challenge yet in tearing through their respective divisions. But something has to give, and we'll find out what that is August 7th at the Outsider Poetry Slam League of America Championship, sponsored by Budweiser and Alpo. Special guest judge Ed McMahon has been added to the judges panel. 

So far this year, over 250,000 poetry fans have attended OPSLA bouts, far and away surpassing the wildest expectations of league founders Dr. Millard Rausch and Dr. Henry Wolfsburg, who said in an interview they are excited to announce eight new teams will be added next season, expanding the league to four divisions, the North, South, East, and West. 

Sponsors and networks have also been quick to jump on the poetry bandwagon, with Alpo, Budweiser, Trojan condoms, and Schick, Bic, and Sctick razors all expressing interest in corporate sponsorship. The Championship will be aired on USA Network as a special episode of their Night Flight vehicle.

The Rancho Cucamonga team has featured appearances by several celebrity poets this year, including Sea Penn, Jeff Bridges, both as himself and as The Dude, Jimmy JJ Walker, and two of the Three Dog Night. The relaxed beach community has shown great support for the home team and several bouts, and most of the team is expected back for next season. 

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